WYFWTY Episode 56: Finding the Courage to Start Over [Live Episode]

Are you wanting to make a major life change? Suzanne shares the big motivation that helped her decide to leave her 20+ year career and Shannon's tools will give you the courage to take the leap. Plus - the hidden horoscope that we are calling the #BestThingEver! Thank you to our sponsor Ocean West Property Management, Inc.

On today’s episode of What Your Friends Won’t Tell You, Suzanne and Shannon discuss making a major life change and the positive personality trait that’s holding you back. Suzanne talks about how she quit her 25-year career and started over at 45. Plus, Shannon’s tools that will give you the courage to take the leap. This episode is brought to you by Ocean West Property Management, Inc.

SUZANNE: I think a lot of us can relate to this topic. It's finding the courage to make a major life change. For me it was leaving a 25+ year career and pouring all of my energy into What Your Friends Won't Tell You. A lot of people have said to me, “Oh Suzanne, you make it look so easy.” I just laugh at that because it has been it's been a little bumpy. It's been very bumpy. I don't think people realize going into these transitions how difficult they're going to be.

SHANNON: Well, I think we're just scared of change. I think the thing that was so difficult for you, is that you really underestimated it. I think a lot of us underestimate it. It’s a lot and you’ve walked through it beautifully, Suzanne, but it’s a lot. Change is very difficult and scary for a reason.

SUZANNE: This topic came up because we were talking about a lot of people in our lives. My friend Lori, that's a stay at home mom, now wants to get back into the workforce. My friend Tina, who left a 30-year career as an orthodontic assistant, and wanted to be a massage therapist. Diane, the owner of Ocean West Property Management, was a stay at home mom and decided she wanted to own her own business. Back to my friend Tina, her insecurity about making the change was so intense she couldn’t stop talking about it.

SHANNON: When we try to change careers, we have a feeling that comes up. It's called incompetency. Incompetency and inadequacy are among the most difficult feelings to endure. What happens is you try to make a change, you feel inadequate, of course, because you had this nailed, you were doing it for 30 years, and now you’re doing a new thing and you feel stupid. You feel incompetent. Then what happens is people quit immediately because they can’t tolerate that feeling.

SUZANNE: Is that a certain personality trait? I feel because I'm a perfectionist if I can't do something immediately then I feel like I shouldn’t be doing that.

SHANNON: If I had $1 for every time I've heard that statement, I'd be a billionaire. Perfectionists believe they should do everything perfect the first time. If I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to do it. Anything you do takes six months. It might take a year. I mean for me, the gym has taken 17 years. I still haven’t nailed it. When you’re a perfectionist you really need that feeling of competency. It's so uncomfortable that what happens is people just quit. They just quit and they go back to what they know.

SUZANNE: I see that in my daughter. I thought it was just people my age because we've been doing the same thing for so long. If my 13-year-old daughter isn’t  good at a sport right away,  she doesn’t want to do it anymore. You're not supposed to be good at it in the beginning. That's why you practice.

SHANNON: This is a true story. My daughter’s daycare called me to tell me we have a problem with your daughter. She will not ride the bicycle. I told them I’m working and we’ll talk about it later but they said it opened up a part of her brain and now she has to master it.

SUZANNE: Wow. Yeah, it’s a big thing.

SHANNON: I think it's not just a perfectionism thing with a lot of people. A lot of men and women I’ve talked with aren’t sure what they want to do. They don't know what their passion is and figuring that out is very difficult.

SUZANNE: Even for me it was hard. I knew I love to be creative. I knew we already had this show and I wanted to continue it, but even I was floundering a little bit because people were offering me to do so many things.

SHANNON: On the flip side of that, my story is I decide I cannot do it before I even give it a try. So for me, this was my dream. I've talked myself out of it for 40 years. I can’t, I'm not smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I can’t do that. The only reason I got this gig and CBS12 was because I made a decision that year to say yes to anything. Suzanne said I want you to come do live TV and I promised I would say yes.

SUZANNE: The first time you put this woman on camera, it was like she'd been on camera a million times. It's crazy you had that fear surrounding that because you really turn on. Even when we were doing the the first on location show at ACP, I was kind of a nervous wreck because we had a lot of people and she was cool as a cucumber.

SHANNON: We sabotage ourselves. We don't believe in ourselves. I remember Suzanne wanted to interview me on sexuality and I said I’m not a sex therapist. Suzanne said to me “You can do this. You can talk about anything.”

SUZANNE: I do have to tell a little story. I've told this before, so some of you may have heard it. But when Shannon got on camera and we were doing a story about Fifty Shades of Grey and why women were so attracted to the books and movies. Shannon said, “Women are like Crock Pots. You have to turn them on and let them simmer. Men are like microwaves, ready to go.” She said that on camera and we were like “Oh that’s amazing!” The way she puts things are just so brilliant and that's how we found each other.

SHANNON: We want to talk about some of the tools that will help you take that leap. I know a lot of people say, “It sounds all fine and good. But how do I do that?”

SUZANNE: I recognize a lot of you are thinking money, I have to pay the bills. That was a huge fear for me too. Some of Shannon's Tools will help you get past that fear and help you to take the leap.

Now let’s open up Shannon’s Toolbox:

  • Make a six-month commitment
    • Make a commitment up front to stick with your new passion. Make a six month to one year commitment so you can gain the competency.
  • Don’t quit your day job
    • Stay in your job. Sometimes you can alter your schedule to make more time for your passion project. Keep your day job and do this part-time on the side until you can make the transition.
  • Speak it into existence
    • Tell everyone you know about your dreams. Unless you’re going to get in trouble with your current job there’s no reason to not tell everyone. That’s how you find your helpers.

Resources to help you find the courage to start over:

It’s time for THE BEST THING EVER!

SUZANNE: I found this when I went on a wellness retreat. It’s a hidden horoscope on loft.com. Just search horoscope in the search bar. It’s so accurate. It’s scary. It comes out every Sunday.

SHANNON: We always like to leave you with a mantra. Today’s mantra is “Be Brave. You got this.”

SUZANNE: At the end of every journal entry I write “be brave” because if you keep reminding yourself those things it will happen. You need to just have the confidence in yourself. No matter what you do, transitions are going to be hard. It’s not going to be easy, but that’s when you grow.

We want to thank Diane and Ocean West Property Management, Inc. Don’t forget to sign up for our weekly newsletters.

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